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Maybe they'd have to hold each other when it rose, all organe and full and close. Maybe that's where our romantic notions about the moon first came from. Two people holding each other to keep their hearts from breaking, because everybody they knew was dying in the cold rocks and dust piles a quarter million miles away...
The Brothers K
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torsdag, oktober 20, 2005
I have come to the conclusion that sometimes, things happen in my life just to prove that I can't get what I want. This week, I suddenly realized that there's one lesson that I've learned exceedingly poorly, time and time again, over the past, oh, two years or so:
I CANNOT ALWAYS GET WHAT I WANT.
Honestly, I wonder what the purpose of this lesson is. Everything is going swimmingly for me in terms of academic & extracurricular success - why shouldn't it go just as well in my personal life? It's like someone up there is spiting me - "Just because everything else is going so well for you, I feel like disappointing you on the things that matter most to you." The only deeper purpose that I can fathom is to teach me that the world is a cruel, horrible place and therefore I will appreciate the glory that heaven will be.
Sometimes, I think I would give up financial and academic success just to get what I want - need - in my personal life. Isn't love worth that?
You know, my perspective is probably totally warped on this. What I really should be thinking is, "The Good Lord gave me all these wonderful gifts - gifts that in His infinite Love he showered upon me unconditionally. I should be thankful for what He has given, and seek to be meek and humble in accepting what He gave without asking more arrogantly." Bah. I'm a bitter, self-centered person. Will denying me what I want make me any less self-centered? At the moment, no. If it happens enough times, possibly. Just because I don't get what I want won't automatically make me give to others what they want.
You know, I'm not even really asking for a whole lot. I don't want happiness everlasting, I don't want to get married and have children, etc. I just want, for once, for the circumstances to be such that I can even see whether certain things would even be possible. They have never ever been that way in the past, which just fuels the speculation even more. I'll even be patient, I promise. Just send me some seeds of hope. Please.
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